Making somebody else responsible for how I feel is sooooooo tempting. How do I stop blaming others for what’s happening in my life?
When I make someone else responsible for my state of mind, I feel justified in feeling irritation and resentment – and reciting this constant “woe is me…” monologue in my mind.
“I am sad because they are treating me like dirt…”
“If only I had this… I would feel differently.”
“Who wouldn’t feel the way I feel given the circumstances?”
“If they really cared, they would have…”
It’s so hard not to blame. Blaming is addictive.
When I engage in this train of thought, the blaming narrative runs in my mind over and over, making me sick.
The more I blame others the more justified I feel in my victimhood.
But there’s a high psychological and physiological price we pay for choosing to marinade ourselves in blame and resentment.
Every negative thought entails a negative emotion.
Every negative emotion triggers the release of stress chemicals – adrenaline and cortisol.
The longer we choose to feel those negative emotions, the longer those stress chemicals circulate in our bloodstream causing our brains to create dense neural pathways around them.
This means that over time, our brains become hardwired to repeat the same behavior automatically – because it feels familiar.
The brain always chooses what is familiar over what is unknown.
We can’t stop blaming because we have practiced it for so long.
Our body has become our own inner pharmacy with an unlimited supply of our drug of choice.
The stress chemicals we choose to flood our body with wreak havoc on our nervous system over time.
“Persistent bitterness may result in global feelings of anger and hostility that, when strong enough, could affect a person’s physical health,” says psychologist Dr. Carsten Wrosch from Concordia University in Montreal, Canada.
How can you stop this vicious cycle?Continue reading “How Do I Stop Blaming Others and Experience Real Freedom?”