Why Does Melkor Crave the Flame Imperishable but Cannot Find It?

Why does Melkor crave the Flame Imperishable?

Before aught else was made, Iluvatar sent the Secret Fire to burn at the heart of the world, and the vision of the world came alive (Ea).

The Secret Fire gave Being to the vision of the Ainur, and Iluvatar set this Being amid the Void – as light shining in the darkness.

Melkor is ever seeking after the Secret Fire (Flame Imperishable) but cannot find it because it is with Iluvatar.

But why is he seeking Light if he is so bent on perpetuating Darkness?

It is said:

He had gone often alone into the void places seeking the Imperishable Flame; for desire grew hot within him to bring into Being things of his own, and it seemed to him that Ilúvatar took no thought for the Void, and he was impatient of its emptiness. Yet he found not the Fire, for it is with Ilúvatar.

The reason he craved the Secret Fire is that he wanted to bring into Being things of his own imagining but could not.

When you stray from the Music – the thought of Iluvatar – you cannot sub-create.

You can only mutilate what’s already been created.

Sub-creation is the province of those who are in tune with The Tune.

Melkor deems himself God and wants to create Being.

But, having become the prisoner of the “imagining of his own mind,” he cannot create – he can only distort what’s already there.

His desire to create Being burns hot in him, but all he sees around him is Void.

The emptiness of the Void makes him impatient.

Every heartless villain can feel their own emptiness. They are keenly aware that all their attempts at creating Being end up creating more emptiness.

They grow “impatient of this emptiness” – it burns them from inside – and they want to assuage it with Light.

Wherever they go, they look for the Light but cannot find it because it is with Iluvatar.

Like Ungoliant, Melkor craves and hates Light at the same time.

Thence she had crept towards the light of the Blessed Realm; for she hungered for light and hated it.

And:

The Eldar knew not whence she came; but some have said that in ages long before she descended from the darkness that lies about Arda, when Melkor first looked down in envy upon the Kingdom of Manwë…

Continue reading “Why Does Melkor Crave the Flame Imperishable but Cannot Find It?”

How to Be Enough with Who I Am?

Insight from an Egret

Eugene Terekhin Feb 23 · 2 min read

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screen capture by author

How to be enough with who I am? Here’s the secret of an egret.

I was walking along the creek, feeling empty. I didn’t even know why. There was this unsettling feeling that something was amiss.

I know this feeling so well. It haunts me. It always tells me the same thing over and over: the moment you are in is not good enough. You need to skip it and go to some blessed future.

Engrossed in my thoughts, I saw an egret in the shallow waters, standing on one leg. It pointed its beak down, waiting patiently for its breakfast, looking perfectly content.

It was sure it would get its fish. Life was good.

It looked up and saw me. So serene and unperturbed it was in its immovable stance that I couldn’t help but stop.

“Are you in a hurry?” the bird asked me silently, like a white marble statue.

“Yes, I need to get so much done,” replied my weary soul.

“Why?”

“Because I need more.”

“You already have it all,” said the egret, deftly shooting its beak into the water and pulling out a small fish.

“If you use this moment only to get to the next one, you will never enjoy what you already have.”

“What’s there to enjoy?” I mumbled.

Without a reply, the egret spread its huge wings slowly and gracefully over the murky waters and took to the sky. Swooping over my head, it almost allowed me to pat its curved neck.

I stood in awe, speechless. For a moment, my cluttered mind cleared, and the wind brought a distant echo:

“Enjoy being who you are.”

The wind bloweth where it will, and you will hear its voice every once in a while, saying: “Who are you?”

“Are you enjoying being yourself? Or are you using this moment as a means to an end?”

I teared up.

My winged prophet was disappearing in the clouds, carrying a small fish in its beak.

“I also have a few small fish,” thought I, and my heart soared on the wings of a sudden insight.

“I have enough. I can feed the world with who I am.”

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The Song of the Void: A Self-Fish Story

In the blue-blue sea, there lived a fish called Self-Fish.

What a strange name, you might say.

Who gives such a name?

Well, it’s actually a whole group of fish. They are called “Self-Fish” by other sea creatures who are sure about themselves that they don’t belong to this category.

She knew very well who she was – Self-Fish. Of that she was reminded daily.

“Stop thinking about yourself all the time.”

 “You never care about others,” the others chided.

“Why are you looking at yourself all the time?”

“If you weren’t Self-Fish, you would have had more compassion on our poor nerves.”

“Why am I Self-Fish?” thought Self-Fish. “I need to change. From now on I will think about others all the time.”

And that’s what she did.

Tired of being shamed and blamed, she decided she would be looking out for the interest of others.

She was hoping that others would start appreciating her more and more and would finally stop calling her Self-Fish.

But the more she tried to please others, the less they seemed pleased.

In fact, they blamed her all the more.

“You should think more about others and less about yourself! Shame on you, Self-Fish.”

“What’s happening?” thought Self-Fish.

“It’s not working. Am I so hopeless?”

And so, she doubled and even tripled her efforts.

But the more she tried, the less it worked.

Finally, she got so exhausted and hopeless of pleasing others that she flung up her fins in utter desperation:

“I must be doomed. I was born Self-Fish, and I will die Self-Fish.”

“Die hard,” said a crab who lived next door, and whose name happened to be Bruce.

“What do you mean?” asked Self-Fish in bewilderment.

“Nothing. Just talking to myself,” grunted Bruce as he clipped off a seaweed with his sharp claw.

“What’s your problem?”

“I am,” replied Self-Fish, “I am Self-Fish.”

“No worries,” said Bruce. “Have a coffee.” And he handed her a Frappuccino.

“You know what? Stop trying to save the world,” finally said Bruce after a pause.

“It never works. Believe me, I know. No matter how many times you try to save the world, it always gets back in a mess.”

“Hmm…,” said Self-Fish, “but if I stop trying to save the world, wouldn’t it be selfish?”

“Selfish is as selfish does,” replied Bruce.

“To be selfless, you must first have a Self that you can give up. There is a world of difference between giving up yourself and giving up on your Self.”

“What do you mean?” asked Self-Fish in utter amazement.

“You must first become who you are. Become Self-Fish.”

“But… but… I am that already!”

“You see, if you don’t have a Self, you are not really a Self-Fish.

And to have a Self, you must start looking at yourself before you look at others. Look at your Self!”

“But if I keep looking at myself, I will be more selfish.”

“Trust me on that,” said Bruce grimly and gave her a look that couldn’t be resisted.

So, Self-Fish looked at herself but didn’t see much to look at.

“What do you see?” asked Bruce.

“Nothing special,” replied Self-Fish.

“Just keep looking. Just keep looking.”

“There’s nothing to look at,” finally said Self-Fish and turned her eyes away.

“It’s just me.”

“Just keep looking.”

“What’s there to see?”

“Don’t you see… a kid?

“A kid?”

“Yes, a scared little kid. A kid who was left all alone in the dark.

Believe me, I have met that kid once. A long time ago.”

“You did?”

“Old story,” said Bruce.

“I see her,” suddenly exclaimed Self-Fish and felt salty tears welling up in her eyes.

It seemed to her that up to this day she had been swimming in the ocean of tears.

“Good. Now take her gently by the fin. Hold tight. And never let her go. No matter what. Don’t leave her. You are her mommy now. And one day, she will be ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“To take on the world.”

“Have to go,” said Bruce.

“There’s another Apocalypse nearby. Remember to always look at her and never-ever-ever let her go, no matter what the others say.”

And then Bruce hopped on his cool Yamaha jetski and was off in a flash.

Sure enough, the “others” showed up in no time.

“Hey, what are you up to?” snapped the red snapper.

“Nothing… just looking at myself,” replied Self-Fish.

“Shame on you, Self-Fish,” snapped the snapper. “Always looking at yourself.”

For a brief moment Self-Fish stopped looking at herself and started looking at the snapper.

Suddenly she felt she was blushing from gill to tail.

She was almost about to blurt out a funny joke or two so as to divert his attention – the art she had mastered so well – but then something made her choke on her own words.

She distinctly heard a small little voice coming from inside her.

“Don’t leave me,” it said.

“What?” echoed Self-Fish and looked at herself intently.

And then she saw a little baby fish left alone in a dark cave and trembling all over.

She looked so little and so miserable that Self-fish immediately wanted to look away, get busy, invite the red snapper to dinner, hide in her little hole at the bottom of the sea – do anything so as to not think about it anymore.

But something made her look. She didn’t even know what it was. 

It was so hard not to turn away, and yet there was something very beautiful about that little one.

She had eyes full of ocean-like sadness.

And there was a great big void.

And the void was so deep and wide and empty that one could easily drown in it.

It was like a gaping abyss in the crevice of time, an insatiable black hole sucking everything in with its irresistible gravity.

It was at once a pack of hungry wolves, a mighty hurricane, a raging ocean, and a gentle flower.

And there was beauty in it.

Some soft light was peeping out of that void.

It was coming from within as if it belonged to the void itself.

And this light shone out of the vast emptiness and there was life in it.

And in this light, there was something one could gaze upon hours and hours on end.

There was a river of peace flowing out of it, and a warm embrace of utter tranquility and healing.

There was a desperate cry as well as a dance of joy.

There was profound sorrow as well as a whiff of tingling freshness.

There was an ugly wound and a well of inner harmony.

There was at once Chaos and Order, as if fashioned by the hand of a masterful Artist.

“Don’t leave me,” asked the kid again.

“I am here. I am looking at you,” said Self-Fish, “and I will not leave you.”

The little one stopped trembling and looked up.

Self-Fish took her by the little fin and together they went shopping.

She was constantly looking at her, and the kid seemed to transform before her very eyes.

The longer she looked at her, the calmer and the happier the kid grew.

And with this calmness and peace settled over the little one, Self-Fish totally forgot about others.

She was alone in the world, but for the first time in her life she felt fine in her own company.

She was alone, and yet she wasn’t lonely.

She was by herself, and yet she was keenly aware that there was someone else with her.

As she spoke gently to the kid, it seemed to her that she was hearing another gentle voice speaking to her through her own words.

And as that other kind voice filled her heart and mind, she grew calmer, and stronger, and happier.

“Who are you?” she asked and looked around in amazement.

And from the unfathomable depths of her Self she heard a still small voice saying,

“Don’t look away. I am not out there, I am in here.”

She looked at her kid again, and suddenly it seemed to her that she saw someone else.

She saw another baby far-far away in a cold dark cave, and his mother rocking him gently in a manger and humming a familiar tune.

“I am not out there, I am in here,” repeated the still small voice.

“Just keep looking. Just keep looking.”

She drew closer, peeping into the darkness of the cave, and fixed her gaze firmly upon him.

And as she looked, the darkness of the cave receded like a mighty tidal wave, and a soft light poured from inside of the void, filling it up to the brim.

And her ocean-like sadness shook and gave way to a quiet sigh of relief.

And the salty tears she swam in for years became a bubbling brook of healing waters.

And out of the gaping hole on the inside came a beautiful song – the song of the void.

“Nice song,” commented someone passing by.

“Bruce!” exclaimed Self-Fish. “It’s so good to see you!”

“And you. You look radiant.”

“You know I’ve seen him.”

“The kid?”

“The kid.”

Bruce smiled.

“So, I see you are ready to take on the world,” said he and pointed to the empty seat in his jetski.

She laughed, hopped on, and off they went into the big wide blue.

Eugene Terekhin, May 21, 2018.

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Loneliness – Social Media Exploits Your Need of Validation

According to G.K. Chesterton, truth is often paradoxical. It’s hard to believe that the problem of loneliness is actually rooted in too much interaction.

But this is what Sean Parker’s uncanny insight seems to suggest. Sean Parker is the founding president of Facebook. He explained in an interview why it’s so hard to resist the impulse to constantly check your social media – even while you are driving.

He shared how social media gradually hook you up.

“When Facebook was getting going, I had these people who would come up to me and they would say, ‘I’m not on social media.’ And I would say, ‘OK. You know, you will be.’” Now that this prediction is more than fulfilled, the question is even more intriguing.

Social Media AddictionSocial Media Addiction Engineering

How did they do it?

Sean explains that the founders used basic human psychology – our need for approval. Social media are nothing but a social-validation feedback loop.

It works like this – the moment you contribute some content and people like it, share it or comment on it, you get a little dopamine hit. This makes you want to contribute more content, which, in turn, gives you another hit.

You want more likes and comments. We all like to be liked (who knew?) – and social media provides that.

This fact is not easy to swallow – social media work because we are seeking validation. When we feel lonely, cut off, isolated, we want to get rid of this feeling at all costs. But does “interaction” on social media actually help us solve the problem of loneliness?

Far from it. Of course, we will temporarily feel “high.” Like a shot of whisky, it will medicate the distressing feeling of loneliness for a while. But when its tranquilizing effects wear off, we will feel even emptier than before, craving for more validation.

More likes, more comments, more shares. Our inner void will be growing and gradually become a gaping hole, an insatiable inner monster that gets hungrier with every attempt to feed it. Continue reading “Loneliness – Social Media Exploits Your Need of Validation”