The swimming pool was teeming with people. Bright luminescent bikinis, squealing children, laughing dads, chattering moms, all jumbled up together in a thick soup of incessant movement, stirring, whirling, mixing, blending.
On one side of the pool, there was a man sitting by the edge of the water with a long pole, fishing. His face was hidden in a thick beard. He seemed totally detached from what was going on around, watching intently the red bobber on the undulating surface of the pool. A guard hastily jumped down from his tower and ran towards the man.
“Sir,” he said with an air of utter amazement, “what are you doing? This is a swimming pool!”
The man didn’t budge.
“This is not allowed!” “This is…,” he stumbled, “you’ve got hooks out there, people can get hurt!”
“Yeah,” chuckled the man, “what did you think? Good things come to those who bait. Just look at this beautiful bait.” Continue reading “Hooked: A Story About Fishing in the Swimming Pool”
In the blue-blue sea there lived a fish called Self-fish. What a strange name, you might say. Who gives such a name? Well, it’s actually a whole group of fish. They are called “Self-fish” by other sea creatures who are sure about themselves that they don’t belong to this category.
She knew very well who she was – Self-fish. Of that she was reminded daily.
“Stop thinking about yourself all the time. You never care about others,” the others chided.
“Why are you looking at yourself all the time?”
“If you weren’t Self-fish, you would have had more compassion on our poor nerves.”
“Why am I Self-fish?” thought Self-fish. “I have to change. From now on I will think about others all the time.”
And that’s what she did. Tired of being shamed and blamed, she decided she would be looking out for the interest of others. She was hoping that others would start appreciating her more and more and would finally stop calling her Self-fish. But the more she tried to please them, the less they seemed pleased. In fact, they blamed her all the more. “You should think more about others and less about yourself! Shame on you, Self-fish.” Continue reading “The Song of the Void: The Self-fish story”
No doubt, there is a time when you need to be a parent to your children, but there comes a time when you can become their friend. Being a parent is about exercising control, being a friend is about letting go of control. Being a parent means you attach a child to yourself, being a friend means you let them go so they can come back to you of their own accord. The paradox of parenting is that you bind a child to yourself when they are little, so that you can let them go when they grow up.
When I think about my relationships with my kids, I have to come to grips with one thing – if I wish to be their friend, not just a parent, they must choose me for a friend. Unlike parents, friends are chosen, not given. And this has to be a free choice on their part, with no compulsion, coercion or manipulation on mine. Such is the nature of friendship – it’s a free choice, not out of necessity or obligation, but because a person’s soul resonates with your heart and mind.
C.S. Lewis wrote: “I have no duty to be anyone’s Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself.” Friendship can only thrive when someone’s inner world is attractive to you in and of itself. It’s true that my children are 100% dependent on me, and I could have forced them to “be my friend”. But that’s not what I want. I don’t want to say to them: “Be my friend, or you will regret it.” Friendship, unlike parenthood, is the opposite of dependence. Continue reading “How to Be a Friend to Your Own Child”
Truth is often paradoxical, as G.K. Chesterton used to say. Isn’t is hard to believe that the problem of loneliness is actually rooted in too much interaction? But this is what Sean Parker’s uncanny insight seems to suggest. Sean Parker is the founding president of Facebook. He explained in an interview why it’s so hard to resist the impulse to constantly check your social media – even while you are driving. He shared how social media hook you up. “When Facebook was getting going, I had these people who would come up to me and they would say, ‘I’m not on social media.’ And I would say, ‘OK. You know, you will be.’” Now that this prediction is more than fulfilled, the question is even more intriguing. How did they do it?
Sean explains that the founders used basic human psychology – our need for approval. Social media are nothing but a social validation feedback loop. It works like this: The moment you contribute some content and it is liked, shared or commented on, you get a little dopamine hit. This leads you to contribute more content, which, in turn, gives you another hit. You want more likes and comments. We all like to be liked (who knew?) – and social media seem to provide that.
This truth is hard to swallow: Social media work because we all want to be liked. We feel lonely, cut off, isolated, and want to get rid of this feeling at all costs. But does this kind of “interaction” actually help us to solve the problem of loneliness? Far from it. Of course, it will temporarily give us the “high”. It will, like a shot of whisky, medicate the distressing feeling of loneliness for some time. But when its tranquilizing effects wear off, we feel even emptier than before, craving for more validation – more likes, more comments, more shares. Our inner void becomes a gaping hole, an insatiable monster on the inside which grows ever hungrier with every attempt to feed it. Continue reading “Loneliness as a Result of Social Media Exploiting Your Need of Validation”